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Volume 7 Issue 4
Page 6
One of the mysteries of my life is that I can know what I should be doing and then
choose to do something else. Throughout my life, I have heard about the need to be
self-motivated. I don’t know what that is, at least, not in the sense in which others
seem to say it. I am motivated; it is just that sometimes I am moved to it is to do the
other thing or, to do nothing at all.
 I’ve been lost in the woods, have been lost driving around in the dark of night and I
have, for a brief time, lost my faith. What’s worse, being stuck in a rut or lost in the
vast field of unknowing. For me, it is the not knowing, about losing my sense of
direction and not seeing a clear path out of the current circumstance. And then
something happens and I, once again, find a way to cut through the fog. Within the
clear light of reason, I remember that I live in a world of cause and effect and choices
become apparent. A certain sense of motivation takes over and calls for me to
consider the alternative and what the end result of each choice would likely be. For a
time I seemed to have lost my focus, often caught up in a situation that I’ve found
myself in before.
 As I work on this piece, I find that I have been here before. “Here I am again,” the
hour is late and the deadline pressing. I know its pressing because my sister Pat
Edwards phoned me (thank you Patty) and asked if I was going to have a “corner”
piece for the July issue. Yes, I’ve been here before, am doing it again. Round and
round I go, letting myself get lost in a hazy maze of other stuff. Is it too late to teach an
old dog new tricks? I hope not. I really don’t enjoy coming around to this all too